What I'd Say
by Kamikazee
Summary: An ex-lover returns, and there are some hard feelings.


What I'd Say  
  
Author: Kamikazee  
  
Email: neo_kamikazee@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warnings: A little bit of angst, but nothing serious.  
  
Category: WWE  
  
Spoilers: None really.  
  
Summary: An ex-lover returns, and there are some hard feelings.  
  
Archive: Fanfiction.net, Personal Space, H-L-A. Anyone else, just e-mail me the URL, I'd be happy to let you post it.  
  
Author's Notes: An answer to ~dville's challenge. A little more angsty then I usually write.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persona's developed by the WWE. Nor is this a reflection on the people who portray them. The song 'What I'd Say' is by Gary Allan. This is simply a work of non-profit fiction.  
  
~ (Talkin' to the mirror, whispering your name  
  
It's just like you were here, you'd think I was insane  
  
I hold these conversations in the silence of my room  
  
Rehearsing all the things I'd say should I run into you)  
He was looking in the mirror, staring at his own reflection. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost imagine her standing behind him, smiling in that encouraging way. Sometimes he talks, telling the empty reflection the things he could never tell her. His friends don't tell him, but they've been thinking more and more lately, is he slipping?  
The answer, of course, is yes, he is slipping. He's been slipping ever since she left him. Ever since she walked away from the relationship that no one knew about. It was kind of ironic, the relationship they had both called crazy, was the only thing keeping him grounded.  
She didn't see it that way. (How's it goin', might be what I'd say  
  
Well you broke my heart you know  
  
Or it looks like rain today  
  
Or God I've missed you  
  
Since you went away  
  
You're lookin' well  
  
Or go to hell  
  
Might be what I'd say)  
He knew why she started it. She had been angry: angry and hurt. He had been empathetic. He knew what it felt like to be pushed to the sidelines, to have to watch others achieve your dream. That was enough to keep them together at the beginning.  
The he went and did something colossally stupid. He fell in love with her. He fell in love with her, and she broke his heart. She walked away from him. Said it was too painful, to see him and be reminded of all the things she couldn't do.  
He would be lying if he said he didn't miss her. Of course, that doesn't mean he's looking forward to seeing her. What's he going to say to her? How's he going to hide the fact that she broke him? I guess it's a good thing he has no choice in the matter. (There's time I've been so angry  
  
I could put my fist right through the wall  
  
And then there's times I've come so close  
  
To givin' you a call  
  
I love you and I hate you  
  
All at the same time  
  
Then I pray you'll come back to me  
  
Before I lose my mind)  
The worst times were always when he was alone in his hotel room at night. With nothing to keep his mind occupied, it always drifted back to her. Thinking of her brought nothing but trouble.  
There were times when he hated her so much. Times when his fury over what she put him through would push him into doing drastically violent things. Things to prove that he wasn't helpless, that he was in complete control.  
There were times when the loneliness crept up on him, filing his entire being with longing. At those times he would come so close to calling her. Sometimes he would even dial. Those times were the worse, because they left him feeling empty and hollow.  
He thought he was losing his mind. Was it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time? He wouldn't have believed it before her, but here he was: hoping to god that he would never have to see her again, but praying that she would come back to him. (How's it goin', might be what I'd say  
  
Well you broke my heart you know  
  
Or it looks like rain today  
  
Or God I've missed you  
  
Since you went away  
  
You're lookin' well  
  
Or go to hell  
  
Might be what I'd say)  
He was weak. A shell of the man he used to be. She had made him weak. She had made him open up, made him care. Without even trying she had broken down all his walls.  
She had played him. Used him when she needed to be vindictive, when she needed to be hurtful. She had used him as a way of getting back at the helplessness that she felt. He had let her. (Or maybe, God I've missed you  
  
Since you went away  
  
You're lookin' well  
  
Or go to hell  
  
Might be what I'd say)  
It had to end. It didn't really matter what he'd say when he saw her. He couldn't end up hurt again. He wouldn't end up hurt again. So, he pushed the weakness down, boxed it up and hid it in the farthest corner he could find.  
He was looking in the mirror, but it wasn't really him. He was a statue, carved in stone. Statues weren't weak. Weakness was for losers. He wasn't a loser. What Lita didn't realize, was that it was time to play the Game, and he made up all the rules.  
The End 


End file.
